Today was a pretty calm and relaxing day…minus he work part…oh and the kids part. Ok, so maybe not so much relaxing, but a good day. I feel my leg getting stronger and not feeling so tired all the time. I continue to work on the exercises and walking techniques I was instructed to do and feel better each time I do them. My only concern now is the pain is starting to be felt. My heal and ankle seem to be in constant pain and only ice will relieve it. Definitely something to tell the docs tomorrow.
Life still feels pretty crazy. I am starting to feel the stress come back into my life. Work stress, financial stress, basic family stress. Work stress, I just need to slow down and do what I can do each day. Just know tomorrow is another day and it can get done then. I really do not have deadlines in place, but because of the way I am, I seem to try to finish everything as soon as possible. I need to take a step away from that and just work at pace. It will get done.
Financial stress is probably my biggest stress. I feel like I owe everyone. The hospital, my house, utilities, gas all the time, and my parents. It is so overwhelming every month to make ends meet. I struggle telling my wife and kids no all the time. I feel they hate me for it. It is so frustrating. How do I fix it without getting another job and adding more stress to my work life? That one I must ponder on.
Finally family stress. Although the least of all my stress, I know I still have it. Today is a good example. This morning I was very happy having the kids here. They woke up at 9 something and I took them to McDonald’s for breakfast. We stayed there for 2+ hours. It was great. When they came home they were tired and wore out enough from playing in the play land, they went upstairs to watch a movie. Peace and Quiet for another 2 hours, but that quickly went away and they have been wild ever since. I hear my self yelling at them more as the evening goes on…and even Tania said I had sharpness in my voice when I spoke to her on the phone. I wish I could handle this stress better. I do not like getting mad or yelling at the kids. They are kids and will make messes, mistakes, and be loud and obnoxious.
Maybe I do need counseling!
Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
Life and Times of Michael Landauer 